As promised, my post about my trials with alcoholism.
First, let me say that there are so many out there who have overcome addiction. I am not alone in recovery. Everyone’s recovery is different. I am telling my story. Every addict has their own story, whether it be alcohol, drugs, sex, or eating, to name just a few. It is our own individual story.
I didn’t start drinking because I liked the taste or thought it was fun or cool. I started drinking to stop feeling. This is common for many—a bit of time with no pain or feeling. The problem was that I wanted to be painless and feel nothing all the time.
I didn’t begin just constantly drinking. My ex-husband left me on Christmas day for my best friend. I didn’t handle it that well. I turned to Vodka “just to help me sleep.” I would put a little in a glass and add a lot of orange juice. Eventually, it got to be where it was more vodka and some orange juice in the glass until finally, it was just vodka straight from the bottle.
My boys were young. They were 15, 14, 11, and 9. They went through a lot. They eventually got put in foster homes. Hiding my vodka, crying, and begging me to stop. Telling me they wanted their mom back, etc. It was awful. I still live with the guilt. I couldn’t quit, not even for them. I look back at it now and think how selfish I was. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything else but wanting to dull the pain that I was feeling. All for a stupid man who told me he only married me for papers.
After losing my kids, I lost my house and belongings and was in rehab. It was a coed rehab, and I met a guy there, and we got kicked out. He and I lived on the streets for a few years. It wasn’t until I got beat up a few times did I realize that drinking wasn’t doing me any good. I was asked to call my family. I knew they wouldn’t come and get me, but I called anyway. To my surprise, they said yes, and I moved home with my dad and his wife.
I had vowed not to drink, and as of that night, April 26th, 2014, was the last time I drank and smoked cigarettes. It has been over eight years since I drank.
I was an alcoholic for seven years. I lost everything. The most significant loss was my kids. I am very grateful that they are loving and forgiving. They are all in my life, and we always get together.
When my brother asked me if I would raise Jane, I called each of my boys and told them what was going on and asked them if they would mind if I got custody of her and raised her. I was worried that they would think I could be sober and raise Jane, but they weren’t good enough for me to be sober.
I am blessed with some amazing boys. I was grateful when each one of my boys, in their way, said that I should get her. She needs me.
If you are thinking about foster care or adoption and are worried that your past might stop you from being able to. Check it out. You might be surprised. I did have to jump through many hoops and went to many classes, but I could foster and adopt both Jane and Jimmy.
I am going to foster another baby. I’m not sure about adoption, but I have room in my heart and our family to foster.
Let me know your thoughts. Leave a comment