Since Jane was born, I knew that parenting her would be different. I was parenting a drug-addicted baby going through withdrawals. Through all the things that go with that ( shakes, screaming, twisting due to body aches), it was almost instinct how to take care of her and help her. As a foster parent, I went through the standard classes that all Foster Parents go through, plus a six-week course on fostering drug-addicted babies. The latter class was very extensive and heartbreaking. I still can’t wrap my head around the number of babies born addicted to something, drugs, alcohol, etc.
I was so focused on the babies and all that went into helping them get through the withdrawal process that I only thought of years 2, 3, or 4 let alone beyond once. (I can’t begin to comprehend beyond) I recently read an article about how children will be when they are 13 and beyond. When they are young, you are so focused on the now and what needs to be done to get them through withdrawal and hopefully hit their milestones when you don’t consider what life will be like for them at four.
Three was an important milestone for both of my drug-addicted babies. That was when they received their diagnosis. That was when therapies kicked up, and we had so many new people in our home helping with each new milestone and behavior. It was mind-blowing how many people came into our home, and we’re there to help each child individually. I thought it might be easier to have one therapist for both kids and their therapies together, but that quickly changed. It did not benefit anyone but me. I was hoping to have fewer people in and out of my house. No, It was much more effective for each child to have their therapist, even if they were in the place when each child received their care.
I can tell you that it is very overwhelming all the time. I often feel like I don’t get a break, that our house is a community house. Well, truthfully, it is. You know the saying It takes a village? Well, it truly does.
I am so grateful for respite and my grown kids, who come and give me a break by letting me go to the store alone or just playing with the kids and distracting them. You have to learn to take care of yourself. If you can’t take some time out for you, even if it is just a few minutes or a couple of hours, you need that time for you. I need more time for myself. When my grown boys are here, I will clean because it seems I can never get anything clean. When the kids are in bed and have time to clean, I just sit and space. It’s like I can’t get any more energy to move. I don’t even turn on the TV much of the time. If I do, it is just for background noise. I know I could get so much done during this time, but all I can think about is going to bed. Don’t forget you.
Every day is a new challenge, and my eyes are open to all the new trials that each of the kids has to go through. I just adjust to each challenge and hope that I do what they need. I have no idea what 13 or even 20 will be like for them, but I know that I will always advocate for them.