Am I Losing My Sanity?

I am running low on sanity now if I had any sanity before I got the littles.  I was sitting here trying to reflect, amid the screaming, what my life was like before I got Jane and Jimmy.  I was starting to feel sorry for myself for not having any time for just me.  That is until I remembered that I was bored a lot of the time.  I did a lot of crafting to keep my sanity from the quiet and boredom.

I don’t have time to craft right now, and even if I did, the kids would be in all the stuff. It wouldn’t be worth it.  I loved crafting, but I would spend so much money on what I needed then make things.  Everyone loved what I made and said I should sell them, but no one wanted to pay the price to buy them.  I finally gave up.  I would always give things away, and they were costly gifts I was giving.

I can honestly say that even with all the meltdowns, therapies, dirty clothes, children constantly whining and hungry, I would be at a loss without them.  I can’t wait until they wake up, and I can’t wait for them to go to bed.  I miss them when they are in Preschool but can’t wait to send them back after the weekend.  My days are filled with mixed emotions.  No wonder I question my sanity.

If you go into Foster care or Adoption, make sure you have a sound support system.  I was forced to move away from my support system due to the Camp Fire.  I thought I would make new friends in my new area, but I never had time.  When the kids went to Preschool, I thought I would get to know other parents, but I am 58, and they are in their 20’s and 30’s.  They aren’t interested in having an old lady as a friend.  I recently met a lady my age who is raising a four-year-old.  We are going through similar things and relate to one another well.  Unfortunately, I met her and then decided to move.  I am abandoning her just as we started to get to know each other.  Lucky for us, we have Social Media and will keep in touch.

I had respite services available but could never find anyone to handle my kids, so I didn’t get away from them unless they were in school.  Trust me; I take full advantage of that time.  I didn’t have much time away from them when I had my now-grown kids.  I think the benefit then, I was much younger.

I am fine, and my sanity comes and goes, but It is mostly good.  I am grateful that the kids are keeping me young.  I hope that they aren’t too embarrassed when they are older having an elderly mother.